WOW

Let me preface this by saying I love my children so much but WOW, can some days be so overwhelming and difficult.   I admire the moms that have it all together and look like they can handle anything, never get stressed, upset or raise their voice to their children.   Are there really moms like that?  It seems like there are and I wish I could be one of them.   I know I am not the best mom out there but I try to do the best I possibly can.   I just really wish I didn't raise my voice!  I feel so bad for that!

Sometimes I wonder if I go through the whole day without saying a word if the kids would act differently b/c it seems as though the words I do say some how evaporate in the air before they make it to the ears of my children.   Can we say 'repetition'?  I feel like I repeat every single thing I say so many times before anyone listens.  I often wonder what I am doing wrong because what I am doing sure doesn't seem to be working.   That is why it is extra hard when my hubby gets home and I try to say something to him and he 'ignores' me or has 'selective hearing'....love you honey :)   b/c I think, ok I at least need an adult to listen to me.

Oh and meal time, holy cow.  Is it really that hard to just eat what is put in front of you and not say "I don't like that" before you even take a bite or to take 1 hour to eat your meal b/c you are fighting eating every step (or should I say bite) of the way.   Even better yet in Madden's case to ask for some food, have me give it to you and then you throw it across the room and say 'no' or shake your milk sippy so milk goes everywhere and repeat, repeat, repeat over and over again, almost every meal of every day.   I think that is why sometimes it gets so frustrating b/c it is the same struggle a number of times a day, and day after day.   I just feel like I am not getting through.  As I type right now Deegan has one of his favorite lunches in front of him and it has been there for 30 minutes and he is still not done and he likes the stuff, he just gets side tracked.   You might think, well why are you on the computer then, well this is for my sanity, I am venting :)   The house is in distress behind me right now.   Madden and Talan are wrestling over a sea of messy toys that we have already cleaned up a number of times, Deegans is still at the table and good ol' Baker is sitting in his chair right next to me being sweet of course.   I can ignore some naughtiness for a moment right, because we all know it will be there in another minute for me to deal with for the umteenth time, I am just breathing and venting.

Madden, you are such a cute little thing and you can be so sweet but my, oh my, you are such a handful and I am at a loss on how to handle you sometimes.   The screaming, and throwing toys, books, food (whatever you can get your hands on) seems to never end and my disciplining doesn't seem to make a difference.   Thank goodness for those hugs and kisses you will still give me throughout the day to help make up for some of it :)  I want you to turn out a nice young man and I am so afraid I am messing you up somehow.

Talan and Deegan, you go between physically and verbally fighting and loving on each other multiple times of day.  You can get so upset at each other and then the next moment be back to the best of friends but of course this relationship does cause me to break up multiple arguments every day.

I thank God for my job, it is my sanity break and I love it.  I just work very part time but what I do helps a lot.  I am teaching Power Pump tonight and I can't wait.  Guess what, I go and teach and I instruct the class to do something and they do it right away and I only say it once.   It is an amazing feeling :)  What a stress reliever to exercise and to have a "break" from the chaos of my every day home life.  I know some people feel differently about working moms and that is ok, you are entitled to your opinion and I really truly do admire the moms that can be home with the kids 100% of the time and never have a break, I can't do it and stay sane but I admire you for what you do.

Of course my kids are far from horrible children, don't get me wrong, I think it can just get a little crazy with 4 little ones in the house.  I probably sound like a horrible mom and I probably shouldn't even post this but I am wondering if I am alone in feeling this?  Do your kids listen to you?   Forgive me as a I vent.   I, without a shadow of a doubt love each of my children more then anything and although our house is a crazy, rambunctious house with rarely a dull moment I surely would not trade it for any other house.  God blessed us with 4 sweet boys and I will always be grateful for all of them!!